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Thought of the month
"That is happiness; to be dissolved into something complete and great."

-Willa Cather

*JOURNAL-THOUGHTS-MISADVENTURES*

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Check In

In case you haven't figured I'm kinda on Hiatus. Blame Friendster. It eats up all my time. Here's the run-down of my life in the past two months:

  •  Amount of time in between Friendster Log-Ins: 6 Hours
  • Amount of Friends on my Friendster list: 86
  • Amount of new movies I've watched: 1
  • Amount of new movies I want to watch: A dozen
  • Amount of roommates: Zero, my roomie moved out, due to health issues. Maybe it's my housekeeping.
  • Percentage of time spent procrastinating: 75% of the time
  • Number of unavailable guys I'm crushing on: Six
  • Amount of Zen and Japanese Culture Classes I've skipped: Six
  • Amount of times I watched Chocolat in a week: Three
  • Amount of New CD's I got: Five

Spring break was last week. I got sick with some random bug. I helped a theater actress dress up in a corset and petticoat for a whole weekend. I've been unmotivated. I've not met any interesting people in awhile. I learned how to knit. I hang around the library and bookstore alot. Totally loving Incubus' new album "Crow Left of a Murder", trying to figure who Brandon Boyd reminds me of. Watched "The Sting" with Robert Redford and Paul Newman. Resemblance between Robert and Brad Pitt uncanny. Same old, same old. Me trying to do five things all at once. I have some new artwork percolating in the back of my head. And twice as many schemes. Oh, I did a website for OpenSpace Productions.

Anyways, I know that's not enough. But I will try to write again soon. Promise promise. Tomorrow is Hawaii Night. Maybe it'll be good.

 

posted by her_royalmadness - 11:53 pm

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

There and Back Again

Well, so I'm back in the frigid cold of New England. Just being outside gives me brainfreeze. I don't like it one bit.

Being home was great. I had to contend with a brother is so tall that I can't call him my 'little' brother anymore, and the fact that he has grown his hair, and it is prettier, and thicker than mine. :) Actually it wasn't too bad. Its wierd though, he's such a BMOC, and fancies himself a player. Haha. But I've seen the girls texting, so I can't be too sure if the jokes on me. My dad was the same. He bought himself a taxicab, and drives it himself to make some extra change on the side. I'd like to think that we're a family of eccentrics. I'd drive the cab. I know he won't let me touch his Gallant. It's this sleek black thing; driving it would turn anyone into a babe-magnet. But if I could buy a car, I'd buy one of those silver sports Mercedes or a Jag. Now that's a turn-on. Enough about cars. I spent Christmas singing my heart out on Karaoke.

I spent alot of time in the company of old high-school chums Nicole, Sherwin and John. Getting really, really smashed. Three nights pretty much in a row. It's not healthy I tell you. Tequila, Tanduay Rum, Tequila Rose, San Mig Light, Long Islands, Gin Tonics. Don't ever mix your drinks. But it was fun. I saw way too many people from High school. It was kinda wierd, but good. And its funny, you kinda do realize that people change, but at the very core they really don't. So I will always be that skinny, geeky chick that was too smart for her own good. Damnit. :) Ah well. I guess maybe its because, we really don't want to let go of the people we were friends with, never mind that they're totally different people now. But it was fine. For one night, I could maintain the illusion of being in High School, when things were simpler. If people did change, they seem alot nicer.

The rest of the time was spent being sick. I hate being sick, and I thought I was going to cough my lungs out.

So I'm back here. Moving furniture around and watching Friends episodes. I got DVDs for Christmas. Thanks Ria!!! And I watched Underworld and LXG. Both really cool. I don't know why I'm into action flicks more. But I am. I hung out with my friend Trev, and he wants to take me snowboarding. There's a part of me that really, really wants to go, and another part of me that doesn't because it seems like such a cold sport and anything with balance doesn't come easy to me. But I did promise. I got to hang out with his tres cool family too. I felt so shy though, I was never any good at "meeting the parents" so to speak. You'd think it'd only be wierd with significant other's parents but I guess its wierd most of the time.

I just got back from hanging out in Amherst, eating at a Middle Eastern restaurant, and grabbing some hotchocolate, and catching up with my MHC friends. It was really great. My friend Rachel does Finding Nemo impersonations, and its hilarious. We couldn't stop laughing. We hung out in the local CVS to get away from the cold, and studiously avoided the Valentine's Day Aisle because, I hate to admit its kinda depressing. Rachel calls it 'self-flagellation". Ha. Me being the optimist, wouldn't really call it that.

Well, I almost forgot that its a New Year, and its been a year since this Blog started. Wow. I really didn't think I'd last this long. Haha. Thanks to my readers. If I have any. 

Peace.

posted by her_royalmadness - 1:07 am

Saturday, December 13, 2003

Friendsterphilia, The Holidays, and the week from Hell

So yeah, I haven't written in ages, and I can't even begin to explain what I've been up to, or what's been on my mind. Okay so we'll backtrack. This past week I have been living on the veeery edge of insanity trying to finish up all the stuff that's due at the end of the semester, working for more than an hour at a time (for the slacker that I am that's intense) and sleeping for three hours every night. It meant being up to my ass in screen-printing ink (never again) for seven hours four days straight to complete four colored screenprints. It meant taking the bus over to Hampshire (a twenty minute commute) on really, really cold days when I'd have rather been indoors to weld pieces of metal, and burn my fingers in the process, it meant staying up to finish a website, and studying arabic verbs, and revising pages of fiction. I didn't even know you could pull an allweeker.

But I survived. That's the life of student isn't it? I'm usually on top of the game, but I'd totally been slacking off this semester. I was feeling really unmotivated and shitty in the bargain for no reason at all. It lasted for the whole month of November, which explains the lack of entries. And goddamn the Mercury retrograde! I blame it for all the random bruises I'd acquired that whole month. I was always falling for no reason (okay... maybe I had too much La Traidora) but seriously I had the most random run of bad luck there ever was during that month. Hence, to compensate for my shitty feelings, I ended up skipping class all the time.

Anyways, enough about how shitty my life has been. On the upside I traipsed all over New York for Thanksgiving, that was fun, we ate at this place called Olive Tree Garden, made eyes at our really cute waiter, debated whether or not to leave our numbers on the Chalkboard tables and attempted to figure out the subway system.

I also performed a monologue I wrote for AiR's final performance, a Spoken Word group that I co-chair and am a part of. That again was one crazy week of five hour rehearsals. It was a really fun experience, and I like performing onstage when I manage to get the courage to, but I'm not too sure I'm any good at it.

Anyways that's all the stuff that's happened to me since I wrote last. About the mad crush I had... well its faded. The boy was taken. Damn. I didn't know it until he brought his girlfriend to a party. ah well. Nothing happened.

As of now, I'm planning to stay up really late and sleep in like mad. I've been obsessing over Friendster. It's surprising how addictive that shit is when you get around to it. I suppose its the Filipino in me that likes to you know, network. My friends on this side of the planet refuse to take part, which takes all the fun out of it really.

I'm planning to post my wishlist on here and update my 'about' page. I haven't done anything on the net for awhile I've been hella stressed. If anyone out there, really, really, really, really loves me, they can get me something. :)

I'll try and write again before I leave for the Philippines (sunshine here I come!)  but if not, Happy Holidays everyone. :)

posted by her_royalmadness - 2:16 am

Monday, November 3, 2003
So I'm infatuated. With this boy. Who I've seen of a total of three times. Who I've never really talked to. Who I've always thought was cute. With whom I've shared this one perfect moment. And then now what? Damn. Damn. Damn. How come the ones you want to stay never do? The ones you're sure you could fall for no questions asked? I haven't felt like this since... since when? God knows. Not for awhile yes? Not feel so swept off my feet. Didn't ever expect to feel like that again. Hoped for yes, but not expect it. You know that kind of feeling, the elation, when everything else in the room melts away and all you see is well, him. The unreality of all. How do you let a moment like that go? But more importantly, how do you find that moment again? I should just ask him out.
posted by her_royalmadness - 12:06 am

Saturday, October 11, 2003

Lets Hear It for the RoadTrip

I like being in cars. Louis Erdrich has this line in her short story "The Red Convertible" ..."The trip over there was beautiful. When everything starts changing, drying up, clearing off, you feel like your whole life is starting." Anyways, I went on a 'field trip' with my printmaking class to UConn Stores, took an hour to get there. Parked on campus. Went to the visitor's center. Found a map. Realized that we wouldn't make the place we were suppose to be at within our timeframe (which was about fifteen minutes). So walk back to guest parking, ooh and ah at the campus and presence of boys. Get back into car and drive home. It was in essence an awesome trip, because as that silly cliche goes, "Getting there is half the fun." The leaves were turning and the music was good, and it made me feel like everything was gonna be good.

posted by her_royalmadness - 1:11 am

Tuesday, October 7, 2003

Sprained, Bruised and All

Today, I was running my eyes over some paperwork, and stumbled and fell, landing on the left knee, rebruising my already bruised knee and twisting my ankle. Hello again. I'd say the Universe is telling me to write again. Or that my pain has to amount to something. I cursed, and stood up, looked around to make sure no one saw, and no one did. That's one good thing about being in an all-woman's college, very little room to needlessly embarrass yourself. Last Saturday, I went partying, had a little too much wine, decided that the stars were bright enough to warrant some skipping, and just as my brain was realizing that it really wasn't that great an idea, if stumbled and fell. It sucked ass. And now I went and did it again. Huh.

How've I been? Well... since I wrote last I've changed my relationship status back to 'single' again. I was dating a really cute musician for awhile. It was nice while it lasted, but I'm on 'guyatus' I think (read Hiatus from guys). But then, its not changed since I entered this all girl college deal. Hah. There are some cuties on my radar, but I'm not going anywhere near them. I don't know... I'm just way too fucking busy to deal with a relationship. The MHC woman speaks. Or too fucking scared to. It could go both ways. Maybe. I don't know, but when I do fall or whatever, I'll know. Right now, I'm too busy worrying about midterms and exams and where to go for Fall Break. What else has happened to me? Nothing. I keep dreaming of my 9th Grade crush, and get this... that party I went to on Saturday night? I saw a guy that I was seeing for awhile there, but the freaky thing is, I dreamt of him the night before. And he hasn't crossed my mind in ages.

So blah. I promise I'll write again soon, if I can find anything better to write about than schoolwork.

posted by her_royalmadness - 11:01 pm

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

Hey there. I haven't spoken in awhile. Its been really busy. :) In a good way. I've been trying to get into this Creative Writing class, and well... I got in! So I'm psyched. I wrote this piece in it the other day.

Where are you from?

It starts off simply enough. A city on a mountain on an island, in South East Asia. Baguio City Philippines. Simple. But you can't explain why one would choose to call this place home when your roots actually emerge from two town north and south of this city. But you call this middle point 'home' because here where pines stretch up to greet the too close sky with a breeze and energy running to surround you, you decide to stop and say, "this is where I settle." But you also reach back to another place that beats in your blood, a place where there is more than trees and the sky seems more distant and a different call is heard. A place drier yet just as rich with hues of pale gold and blue layer on top of each other like parfait. Perfectly flat. Perfectly mated. And across these sands whispers of how civilization rose and fell long before Baguio ever came to be, and in those times, only the trees stood sentinal. Two places to call home but then home was also in a lover's arms or in the cradled laughter of a best friend or on a painfully clear starry night when you realize you are a part of something more important, beautiful and profound. Home is family, looking at faces so like and unlike yours, and the families you choose as you reach out without fear and feel for them. Blood and memories mark the passage of our origins, not simply where you are born, but in all the places you find yourself. In the stars, in the roots of trees and in the ever reaching desert sands laid bare to the distant blue sky.

posted by her_royalmadness - 8:05 pm

Tuesday, September 9, 2003
So hey. Long time no blog. I'm just writing to mark my twentieth birthday. Goodbye teenagedom. Hello grown up world. Gotta go. I'm hungry.
posted by her_royalmadness - 9:23 am

Friday, August 29, 2003

Monster Update

So its been absolutely ages since I've written, and it feels like a whole bunch of lifetimes have passed since I have. My last night in Baguio was wild, full of dancing, laughing, picture taking, with my friends Carla, John, Jaira, Rob, Joey, Yasmeen, Abel, Amanda, and others. Cactus the club we were at was full, and we'd grab our guy friends and dance with them trying to dodge these bunch of guys that were trying to make a not-so-smooth move on us. Sometimes guys don't get anything. Ah well. I saw my friend Mark, who I haven't seen in ages, and only just managed to see him on the last night that I was in the Philippines which is quite ironic. We had a good chat, and it was really really great to see him again. I ended up at 7-11 four in the morning, eating Korean noodles and hot dogs with Carla, Jaira and Joey, then headed back to be to gush over our night. The next day John drops by to hang out for a bit, then takes me on his bike up this steep hill to drop me off at my driving lesson. I was soooo scared. Later on we eat my mother's world famous blueberry cheesecake, and then I'm off towards the states.

 The flight was shitty, Hartford was great, full of sounds, low riders, booming stereos, people on porches, and children. The camp experience was full of waterfights, a soccer game or two under the midday sun, and lots of video game playing and just being a kid general. Well, that is, until I have to play nanny for a bunch of Pre-K kids, named Ian and Christian, and sometimes David. You'd think that it would be fairly easy, but not when one kid has the art of tantrum throwing down pat, and the other is jealous of all the attention the other one gets. One though is very sweet, and lovable like all good Pre-K kids should be. But its definitely made me rethink being a teacher a little more, but you never know. I definitely don't ever want to play nanny. On my offdays in Hartford, I'd read tons of books, and watch tons of movies, and TV. I watched Tomb Raider II, Pirates of The Carribean, and Finding Nemo, all pretty fun movies. I definitely liked Pirates, just for the scale of it all, Johnny Depp's awesome character, Orlando Bloom's gorgeous looks, and the theme about really living, and feeling. Video rental wise, I watched Frida, Memento, and Children Of Dune. I loved Frida for the sensuality of the film, and gorgeous cinematography, and how Salma Hayek really brought this passionate and extraordinary character to life. And ever the Science Fiction fan that I am, loved Children of Dune, based on Frank Herbert's Dune series. On to books, I read this really great book called The Feminine Face of God, it definitely put into words alot of what I just felt, believed or knew instinctively in my spirituality. 

 So after three weeks in Hartford, I hightail it back to Campus to chill with my friend Seng, and of course, when I am with my closest, and craziest friends, we always get into a little trouble.  We did alot of catching up, alot of being at the right place at the right time, or maybe being in the absolutely wrong place at the wrong time, a lot of shopping, and catching up with fellow MHC students. We moved into our new dorm just recently, have done tons of work getting it to look just right, and getting as much of space out of it recently. On our final trip we used one of those carts loaded full with our stuff, and pushed it uphill to Pearsons. Its a precarious exercise, because the smallest rut in the road could tip the whole thing over and spill all our possession all over the place. Not unlike life itself I would say. But we got through it by laughing uproariously and singing at the top of our lungs, as the people passing by in their cars looked on. Very much like life I would say. Anyways, I also finally wrote my first Cover letter. It is the most nerve wracking thing ever, and I slaved over it for a whole night, suffering from utter writer's block. When I went to drop my cover letter, and resume off, we got to our destination, and found in all my nervousness, I had utterly forgotten about it. So we had to go back. We've also managed to befriend a band, and watch the much raved about Seabiscuit. Oh and The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Both utterly intense. And to top it off, we got our starcharts read, and looked up at Mars as he passed by Earth. Its been a busy existence.

Yesterday we cooked food, and it was so fun, talking, and listening to salsa, breaking out in an impromptu dance on the kitchen floor, while the shrimp simmered, the fish baked, and the rice steamed. Drinking White Zinfandel, and talking about life, and again laughing our heads off, and eating our meal to the sounds of the George Gershwin, and talking about all the good things in life. Good food, good company, good wine. What more in life can you have?

posted by her_royalmadness - 1:00 pm

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

Pagudpud and slices of Heavan

 So this is how it is, I'm leaving in two days, heading off to the next leg of my summer, playing camp counselor at an inner city day camp, to eighty kids. Eighty kids. And apparantly I'm the only permanent one. Hopefully there will be other volunteers but, I'm not sure. It should be fun. I've spent the last couple of days hanging out in a tiny town called Pagudpud, a town up on the Northern tip of the Island with gorgeous weather and even more gorgeous beaches. Though this place isn't quite that fashionable yet hence the lack of kitschy souvenirs on sale, I brought home a huge amount of bleached coral, and sea shells and interesting rocks. This beach we got to, if you go before noon, right before the tide rises, its this perfect slice of heavan, blinding white sands and the purest, clearest torquoise waters, stretching out, practically flat for miles and miles. And hung low on the horizon these white clouds all fluffed up. I don't get to go up to my father's hometown often (a six-seven hour drive) but everytime I go there I feel so renewed. The place has a raw beauty to it, that I will attribute to the wind that always sweeps through the place. My cousin and my aunt invite me to go up to one of the more higher hills, to find an errant signal for the cellphones everyone carries everywhere, never mind that there is barely any signal most of the time, and  up there, at a time that is not quite sunset yet, with the errant thunderheads rolling on threatening rain, the sun performs a little dance, hiding behind the clouds, and the various hills around me, light up with this gold green glow, and we, we're standing on this hill with three palms standing sentinal. I look across to the next hill, seperated from us by a little rice paddy, green shoots sitting on the still of muddy water, and I can see on the next hill, the wind ruffle the long grass, and the soothing sealike movement of it all, and in that moment I can understand why the Greeks, or was it the Romans? believed that heavan was just a field of grass.

posted by her_royalmadness - 11:18 pm